I don’t usually write about my life but I need to vent a little bit.
I’ve had a rough couple of past months. I’ve been in a hospital for like a month. Some old bitch T-boned my car and I have no job.
Today finally- thankfully- I get a babysitting job that will set me back on the right track, and my mother, who will have to drive me to work like a child- is screaming at me over $25 a week for gas money. Which, honestly- fine, I get it, nothing in this life is free. But I’m trying to save to get my own car and then I can pay you back? No, she just keeps yelling, “It’s hard to save money with expenses and you have to learn.”
Excuse me, don’t you think I know that? Do you think I honestly want to be living at home, no car, no way to interact with any one my own age because I’m broke? You don’t think I understand the absorbingly high cost of living in New York?
Plus, she offered to give me $20 a week in gas when I was going to college…so what is the difference here? I’m expecting to pay her back, but if it could wait until I got back on my feet and bought a cheapo $1,000 car so I can work two or three jobs, it would be so much easier.
She always claims I don’t pay her back when I do- I paid her $400 for the last car, I wasn’t done on my payments, but I was actively making an effort. I even took a job I never expected (or wanted or liked to do) in order to pay them back and make my way in this world.
So, instead of congratulations I get more BS. And on top of that they charged us $211 for my blood work at the hospital- that I didn’t even want, that I asked which company was better and the hospital suggested the one that wasn’t covered by my insurance and I was fucking sick, so they got one over on me- all my fault and I’ll never live it down.
On top of that, I let someone use my name for a car and he’s not doing the right thing. So Progressive thinks I owe them almost $100 and my license is suspended now, because he never turned in the plates with the car uninsured. Generally, a stupid, nice Talia move.
It’s all really too much. My therapist tells me I should be concentrating on getting back to school, but it’s almost the furthest thing from my mind. I had 20 stupid credits until I graduated, but I was honestly lonely and miserable at my school. I had no friends and the one I made who appeared to be generally nice started acting so shady and is now telling people I screwed her over- which I never did!
I know graduating from SBU for Fine Arts isn’t going to help me- it’s not an art school and has limited connections for internships. Living at home and attending school was a stressful day, every day. But try telling that to my family, who thinks I’ve lost my damn mind.
I just want to run. Living in small southern towns working as a diner waitress and disappearing into the night to a new stop, painting the decaying American landscape.
